Here goes nothing

So normally at the beginning of a new year I start to think about resolutions. I never make them really because who keeps them anyway? I try to set goals only to always fail. They're always goals that are achievable and realistic, so why are they never met? After thinking about this over the past month or so I've come to realize that I am apathetic. Which to me is a very dangerous place to be. So my friend Lisa from college and I have decided to have monthly goals and to keep each other accountable and for real this time. We've done this before but kinda forgot about the accountable part and then lost the motivation to keep the goal. So my big goal for 2010 is to lose 40-45 lbs. Now I always get inspired by watching The Biggest Loser. I always think I nowhere near as big as these people and if they can do so can I. Well this last season, there was one girl, who was bigger than me, but not much. My gosh, I think I could be big enough to get on that show! How embarrasing! So to keep myself accountable even more so I will use this blog to share my journey. But I want to do even more, I have a sick to my stomach feeling now just typing this, but I am going to share my weight...AHHH!!! Now that's even more embarrasing to me! So here goes.....(deep sigh). I weigh 188. There I said it (acutally typed, but who cares). Yes I weigh more than some men do. I weighed so much more after the babies were born. Those cute little humans have completely rearranged body parts in ways that are NOT normal. Add on not taking care of myself or watching what I've eaten (because I never cared, due to the apathy), so my goals for January are to exercise 4 times a week and to read the book of Romans (another area I am apathetic). I think of Paul, when talking about beating your body into submission and that is what I'm going to have to do. So friends who read my blog, I am asking for encouragement and prayers. I am tired of being the "fat girl" and would like to do a 5K soon. Not to neccesarily run one yet, but that would be nice! But that would be a great goal is to run a 5K without stopping by the beginning of summer! My ramblings have taken on enough and I'm sure my spazzed out thoughts are not very cohesive but this is what's going on with me and now I have to be even more accountable!